New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
