girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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