I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
