They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
