if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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