when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
