He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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