I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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