Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
