So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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