i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
don't judge my taste in strippers
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
