this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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