Well douche your snatch and let's go!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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