On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
