His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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