i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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