My room smells like vodka and shame
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
