I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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