i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
