Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize