rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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