I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
