He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
