I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
