im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I AM VODKA MAN
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
