Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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