I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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