I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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