I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
