So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
