trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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