I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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