I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
