it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
