watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
