she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
