i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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