clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
