as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she peed on how many people?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
