I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
