I wish my penis had an off switch
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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