threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
