capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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