also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
