If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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