they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
