They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
