We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
