im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
