is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
