My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have feelings that need drinking.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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