I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
