I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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