so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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