Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it's like heaven, but drunker
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
