Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
