I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
