i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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