why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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