3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
