I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
