what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
