Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
