Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
