I think I just saw someone hide a body.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
