We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
