Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
