Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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