If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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