Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
