I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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